Easy First Moves
A guy's first approach has to be his best... and this is what you need to know
Planning Playfulness Perceptions
Three P's of
approaching women the right way
Michel W. "The Dating Wizard"
One of the most popular questions I get through
emails is, "What do I say when I approach a girl? Please let me know
exactly everything I should say, etc."
The first problem with this question is that the question implies the
wrong focus:
On words rather than on understanding the goal of the interaction, which
is to get a woman into the right state for being picked up. And
accomplishing that itself requires you to get into the right states as
well.
Secondly, the question also implies that there is some mystery about
women, as if there are certain words that need to be said, words that we
as men would never be able to come up with naturally.
It can create a negative perception of women as bizarre, and that can
harm your inner game.
The truth is, when you understand why women act the way they do, i.e.
why they test you during the pick up, or why being sexual is important,
you then can figure out the right thing to "say" and do.
And they don't seem weird or bizarre or crazy.
By the way, when I say "state", I don't just mean confident. Her state
should be sexual, playful, mischievous, feminine, your state should be
sexual, playful, dominant, upbeat/secure.
So the real answer to the question of what to do or say, is to first get
into state and then gently but firmly lead the interaction, knowing
exactly where you are going.
At that point, it could help some guys to "Know what to say". But I
promise you, even if you are one of those guys, with practice, you will
learn to come up with the right stuff right on the spot, and perhaps
re-use some of the coolest stuff you know gets great reactions.
But from practicing, you will develop new things to say on the spot that
is even better, so your stash of cool things to say gets bigger and
bigger and it becomes part of your new "vocabulary".
And in fact, you get to the point you have so much to say, that you are
not worried at all about that, and then you realize that you never
needed any of it, because in fact every interaction with every girl you
have will already have all the built in opportunities for conversation
already there.
Whether it's the situation you are in, she is in, the location, etc, it
doesn't matter!
"Game" is not about having memorized things to say. It's about insight
into women, and it's about the skill of getting women into the right
states.
My programs will speed up your learning curve, because they focus on
instilling those insights and skills in you, and you are getting the
benefit of experience instead of having to learn it all by trial and
error.
Advanced Guy Resources
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In order to get women into states, you must know the states you are
trying to create in her first. Sounds obvious, but actually most guys
don't think about this and lose the pick up. They will do anything to
just get some reaction, which is usually a mistake.
So, the states that you want her to be in are HAPPY, EXCITED, TURNED ON,
and WILLING TO "SUBMIT" to your role as the MASCULINE and her role as
the FEMININE.
Yup, THAT'S the goal.
And very often, it's even in that order, although it doesn't HAVE to be.t
makes sense:
i.e. Let's say you meet a girl at the bookstore. She doesn't
know a THING about you. She can't just JUMP IMMEDIATELY to
getting TURNED ON.
So it's not so much about MAGIC WORDS. It's about what will get
her into a GOOD STATE right away.
So if you can get her LAUGHING, it's a good START. You can't
FINISH on just her laughing, or you are just a clown.
This is why TEASING is often very effective, because if you know
how to tease RIGHT, in a way that is both FUNNY and DOMINANT,
and yet NOT MEAN, you have gotten her into a good state that is
now RECEPTIVE to further action from you. AND, the dominance in
it makes it clear you are not just a clown.
You have to be dominant, or how can she feel FEMININE about
being submitting to you? Think about it- a woman has to SPREAD
HER LEGS to have sex with you. She wants to do that with someone
who she feels is WORTHY, otherwise it makes HER feel low. But if
she submits to a guy who is dominant, then it all makes sense.
How can she submit to a guy who acts submissive?
AND, and this is important, the tease and ALL your behavior with
her can't be MALICIOUS. In my experience for over three years
coaching guys in person at bootcamps, I've noticed a common
problem is guys start out the interaction CONSTANTLY misusing
the tease and saying MEAN things.
Not only is this not even effective with the SUPER HOTTIES, but
often the chick the guy is talking to is not even ULTRA HOT, so
she's not that secure in the first place, AND the guy was being
MEAN!!!
The first thing I need to do is go over and practice non-stop
teases with guys, until they get into the right zone of funny,
playful and UPBEAT vibes, not JERKY vibes.
So let me give an example of something that is RIGHT:
First of all, let's talk a bit about being in the RIGHT STATE.
One of the best things about having a great friend is helping
each other be in the right state.
Sending funny video clips over the net, or inspiring videos, or
just keeping in touch and trading good honest vibes.
VERY AWESOME for your state.
I mean, sometimes I think that guys like Robin Williams should
be paid TEN TIMES as much, because they help get people into FUN
STATES.
Also, any type of inspirational art is also great.
So anyway, let's say you are IN this good state.
And now, you waltz into a bookstore.
In the bookstore, in this aisle where this brunette cutie is,
there is a huge book with photographs, all about WHISKEY, and
the author's name was Michael Jackson! So it's a perfect set up
- you're looking for a gift, asking the chick beside you for any
ideas. Then, you happen to pull out the book on Whiskey, and
mention, "NOW THIS is at least HONEST! A book on WHISKEY by
Michael Jackson, isn't that what the kids drank at Never Land? I
mean they CALLED it Kool-Aid..."
Now, the point of this is simple:
IT'S TO CREATE A BETTER STATE IN HER.
She will probably LAUGH, especially if YOU SAY IT WITH
CONGRUENCY and not as if you are thinking it's a crappy line.
As she laughs, you can THEN tease her.
"Hey, don't laugh! You seem to WANT this book! I can tell the
look in your eyes. All glazed. Let me see you walk a straight
line."
If you say this congruently, she will "GET IT" that this is
flirtation and fun in ACTION and she will play along with
something like:
"Haaa, no, I don't wanna prove I'm drunk!"
OR
"Nooo, I can CONTROL myself!"
OR
"I'm not a big drinker, honestly!"
(To which you can say, "Denial is the first step!")
Either way, it's a FUN response, not an angry one.
So now, you've falsely accused her (playfully) about something
that SHE KNOWS YOU DON'T MEAN TO BE TRUE, so she can't take it
the wrong way.
In all my years of teasing, I don't think I've ever seriously
hurt a girl's feelings. That's because I CARE about people, and
I don't think it's necessary to BURN people in the name of
LEARNING a skill. In fact, that's PART OF THE ART! ANY GUY CAN
GO AROUND ACTING LIKE A MORON.
By the way, if there was no Michael Jackson Whiskey book, (there
really is, of course it's not the same MJ though) I would find
something ELSE--I would make fun of the way she's searching
forever for a book, as if it's the decision of a lifetime, vocal
tonality for example saying teasingly: "Decisions, decisions".
You DON'T have to be a comedian to succeed at this stuff, but
you do you have to UNDERSTAND WHAT VIBE YOU ARE TRYING TO
ACHIEVE.
Back to the example:
The VOICE TONALITY carries just the right amount of AUTHORITY
along with the playfulness so that you are not being a CLOWN and
you're also not being uptight with a pickle up your butt. Your
voice also has some SEXUALITY in it. What does that mean? It
means the way you might talk to your girlfriend when she is
almost totally naked and you are slowly taking off her bra and
you are VERY TURNED ON and yet feeling GOOD and masculine.
Feeling "MEAN", if you know what I mean. That's "mean" in a GOOD
WAY for those who don't understand that context. Mean, like lean
mean machine kind of mean. Like a MAN.
Now, what do MOST GUYS do?
They act like IDIOTS.
I remember walking to a club one night, with a buddy. There were
these five or six hotties all dressed to the nines, way ahead of
us on the sidewalk, and this group of guys about half-way
between us and the girls. We were chilling, it was early in the
evening, and I was going over a few pointers, when we noticed
the chicks.
The guys of course are all talking amongst themselves looking at
the girls and they were laughing, surely making typical dorky
jokes about how they would have sex with the girls in all kinds
of positions, and acting all fake "cool". They do nothing. Talk
some more amongst themselves.
But, in the words of Britney Spears, If you like then:
WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?
And then, the girls turn to their CAR, so the guys pull out an
"AWESOME TACTIC":
They start WHISTLING at the girls.
That's sarcasm there, by the way.
So the girls turn around, and they of course are now on
ANTI-SLUT DEFENSE MODE.
Because WHISTLING as a form of pick up SUCKS. It makes the girls
feel CHEAP if they respond to it. CHEAP feels BAD. Cheap RUINS
self-esteem.
FEELING BAD IS BAD FOR PICK-UP.
Most of the girls just look annoyed, and ONE of the girls says
something like "Do you think that's going to make us TALK to
you?".
Now, the thing is, these guys were probably NOT BAD GUYS. They
were all so busy trying to act COOL to EACH OTHER that no one
wanted to RISK rejection by actually putting themselves out
there and actually going for the kind of interaction that works.
I mean, even if they don't know how to do proper pickup,
ANYTHING is better than that whistling sh*t. Even just "keeping
it real" and being straight forward with something like "hey
girls, what's up" is STILL better than that!
Unless of course, you whistle ON PURPOSE and then follow it up
with something FUNNY like, when the girls turn around, saying
"oh no not you guys, I'm looking for my DOG!"
THAT is at least FUNNY!
And the truth is, you don't have to be a COMEDIAN to do this,
you just have to know what the MOOD is supposed to be, both
internally in yourself and the mood you want the chicks in.
Also, I hardly HAD any friends growing up except a few CLOSE
friends, so I really don't CARE what GUYS think of me! In fact,
I don't really care what GIRLS think of me! So for sure I don't
care what GUYS think. I don't mean that in a MEAN way, I just
mean that I'm out to have a good time, and mingle with LIKE
MINDED people.
And by the way, this just happens to be the attitude of the
girls who are smoking hot.
Do you think that it's a coincidence?
It's not.
These attitudes are born from the way we THINK.
Around the same time, I mentioned to my client the following
words:
"GUYS do a lot of our work FOR us. By acting so BAD, the
standard is not HIGH. So when you go in and do it all RIGHT, you
RULE! THERE IS PLENTY OF SUPPLY, plenty of women, there just
aren't enough COOL guys who GET IT."
In fact, this is why even beginners sometimes get lucky with a
girl, then they think they are SO LUCKY and they kiss up or get
needy out of insecurity, or they act MEAN out of insecurity, and
it ruins all the fun. Which makes the girl pull away, which
makes the guy MORE insecure and needy and pushes her farther
away.
The craziest part of it all is that these girls GO SO OUT OF
THEIR WAY to TRY to be attractive, working out, watching their
diet, dressing sexy or funky and fun, TO GET GUYS! And yet guys
act in ways that should be OBVIOUS would make girls feel bad,
but guys do it anyway because they are too afraid to get
REJECTED, so they would rather that they act like DORKS or jerks
or they act super fake extra nice out of insecurity. It's all
fake.
It was a great motivator for the night, but that's a different
story. Let's get back to the bookstore case:
So she's LAUGHING now, because of your PLAYFUL tease that was
said in the right combination of states (playful, sexual,
dominant) evident through your vocal tonality etc.
She can FEEL that you have LIFE and FUN in you. And she can feel
that ultimately this CAN lead to sex if she LETS IT. Because you
clearly are MASSIVELY confident and you are in control and you
are giving off the sexual vibe and you seem to "GET IT". And
every guy she's EVER had sex with so far in her life that she
LIKED has "gotten it". He "gets" how it all works.
So she may very well SH*T TEST you now. This way, she can be
HARD to get, and NOT feel like a tramp for sleeping with you.
EVERY GIRL I have ever met, where things got physical, has
thrown the test at me. It's not them being MEAN, it's them being
CLASSY in their own minds!
So you have to simultaneously show respect and yet of course
DEAL WITH IT AND PUT IT BEHIND YOU ASAP.
So as you chat with her some more, CLOSING IN the physical
proximity so that it's more intimate. Perhaps you are now
talking about what she is there for, and talking about some cool
subject matter like human nature or even human sexuality (COOL
with chicks IS NOT CEREBRAL BORING STUFF OR VIDEO GAMES TALK)
books.
Then, you might suggest going for a coffee in the store to
continue the conversation. She might shit test you here and say
she is busy, she is not the type to do this, etc etc. She might
say to you "You were awfully smooth there, are you a player?" Or
she might TEASE YOU even, like "so is this what you do? Stay at
the bookstore and pick up girls?"
By the way, sometimes this is not a shit test, and is just a
real question. You have to pay attention to her body language
and face, if she seems genuine and not mean, she might just be
worried that she is going to be disrespected as a human being.
If you sense that, you address it and just give her more time to
just chat where you already both are (instead of moving to the
coffee shop if she isn't comfortable with that yet) etc etc.
Then you escalate later, in a few minutes, when she is
comfortable.
YOU have to push the interaction, but you don't do it completely
blind. You naturally take into account what's going on.
You also need to have a plan. If you meet during daytime,
chances are you will need to take her number because she has to
go to work or wherever, and you probably do too.
But then, when you call her, if you haven't chatted with her
much in person, you'll need to build up more connection on the
phone. But when you DO meet, meet close to your place or her
place or WHEREVER it is you plan to get physical. Don't rely on
HER for this.
When you do get back to her place or your place, you MUST
escalate again, with CONVICTION. If she's not ready, you chill
out and escalate again later, etc.
And if you met at a club to begin with, you could run the
interaction way longer as she's in no rush to leave. But again,
you must LEAD the interaction. It's up to you to get her to
leave the club with you to go to another club or for a bite to
eat. If you have to bring her friends, that's fine, you adjust
for the situation. But it's up to YOU.
An important point to remember about ESTABLISHING even
introductory physical contact like touching her shoulder or
holding her hand is to do it with TOTAL CONVICTION.
Trust me, this is SO important. If you hold her hand weakly, she
will RESIST it more.
Don't crush her hand of course, what I mean is to do it as if
you MEAN it.
If you have DOUBTS, she will feel you are weak. She will also
feel GUILTY AND SLUTTY since it will be HER fault for having sex
with you, since after all you were so weak about it, it means
that she made it happen.
YOU must take control and give her the "excuse" to herself that
YOU made it happen. Even though of course she WANTS you to make
it happen.
Also, if you are incongruent/WEAK/lacking conviction in the
early physical contact, it will make her feel that you will NOT
be assertive in bed either.
The reason why it's SO important to be assertive in bed is that
GIRLS love absolutely love having sex when it's hot passionate
and kinda freaky too. Not that that's the ONLY kind they like
but they damn well LOVE it just as much as you.
Sex is SATURATING their mind but they aren't getting the fun
kind of combo: passionate playful raunchy intimate all at the
same time.
THEY WANT IT:
But they will feel WEIRD AND GUILTY if YOU feel
weird/guilty/incongruent about it.
You HAVE to be dominant about what you want or she will feel
UNCOMFORTABLE and not able to let loose.
This is part of the reason why the sexual dimension to the
interaction needs to be there in the pickup as well, it can't
just happen when it's time for sex, or it will never GET to the
sex part!
And if you want the girl to STICK with you, you have to KEEP on
being this guy, but let me ask you a question:
Why WOULDN'T you want to be this guy?
A guy who is SEXUAL, who is COMFORTABLE with himself, a guy who
makes women feel GREAT, a guy who knows how to prevent her
anti-slut-defense shield from activating, a guy who knows how to
connect with women? A guy who knows how to reflect his identity
not only through his interactions and personality, but also
through the details of his sense of style?
This all feels GOOD anyway!
And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook, The Dating
Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then definitely do that
immediately. It's the foundation, where the journey begins.
I have spent literally YEARS learning these skills the hard way,
trying just about EVERYTHING until I broke through to what
really works. And the great news is that it CAN be taught, it
CAN be learned.
And you can start to understand and learn by downloading my
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